Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
