I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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