apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
