I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
