At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Still dying that you shit outside
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
