I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
