You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
where are you?
Hypothermia
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
