no, he came in my armpit
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
