Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
