How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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