So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
