he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
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