Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
