I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
