I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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