I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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