Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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