No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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