Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
