Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
