Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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