ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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