I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
