Yo dont text me then not text me
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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