Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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