Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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