im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
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