The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
