i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
