i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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