take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
