I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
