I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
We left an ass print on the piano.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Randomize
