I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
They took my balls.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
