Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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