My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
