I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
