I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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