I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
