Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I AM VODKA MAN
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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