Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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