She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Just puked most of my soul out..
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