So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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