Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
