And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
