She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
