If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
