it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
