Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
