Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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