i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
