It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
