He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Less talking, more tequila
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
