I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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