Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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