He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
