I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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