it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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