I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
