he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
