Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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