I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Randomize
