I seem to have left my pride at pride
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
