That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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