2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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