There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
