strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
