I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
