cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
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