cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
